It's A Shame

Sorry I haven't really updated my blog in recent weeks. Some of it can be attributed to my stress. What I thought was just "new job jitters," I was starting to figure out was something different. I couldn't really pin-point it for a couple weeks, and I finally did come up with a conclusive answer: It's something with the job itself.

I was so happy to get this job, but there was one thing that was bothering me that I couldn't figure out. The people there are so awesome and very friendly; the work is simple (everyday it gets easier); the pay is excellent. So what is it that has been getting me down more and more with each passing day? The atmosphere.

Let me explain: I work in a small office with two other people. The room is painted in a dark green color, there are no windows, and I'm surrounded by four walls, a ceiling and floor of cement. There's not much room to move around; especially if all three of us are in there simultaneously. I have a slight claustrophobia problem. It actually probably wouldn't even count as such because it's not to the point of being categorized as a phobia, but enclosed spaces cause an overall discomfort with me.
What ticks me off so much about this is because it's such a seemingly small physical issue, but it's been a huge mental block for me. Every night and weekend since I've been there has been incredibly stressful. I have this feeling of dread every morning before I go into work because I feel like I'm walking into a dungeon. Maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion, but that's how it feels to me. Every night I think about it; some I cry through.
If you think about it, I went from being in a big, open building with skylights and/or windows to an enclosed space in a dim room. I was able to move around and now I can't so much. A cubicle wouldn't feel as tight to me, actually.

Yesterday I had to make the hardest decision and talk to my supervisor about it and explain to him that I didn't think it was going to work out for me because of the way I felt. Luckily, he was very understanding and supportive of it. Now they're actively looking for someone to replace me. I've talked to my temp agency about it, as well. I'll be staying there until they find me another job/get a replacement. A small feeling of relief is coming into play, but I also feel really guilty about this decision. I truly wanted this to work out. Everything else was so perfect for me...except for this one thing.

Now I'm just waiting to get another opportunity. Hopefully, it will be in an Erie-Insurance-like environment. That's essentially what I would want. I even reapplied at the aforementioned company yesterday. I haven't applied there since I was about 19 because I gave up on trying to get in. Now I want to make a serious effort to get hired there. That's always been my true goal since I graduated high school. Sad but true.

Just pray I finally find something I'm completely happy with.