The Demise of Marriage

I don't normally watch a lot of TV, but since I've been at this newer job, I've had a little more time to see what's on weeknights and weekends. Retail made it difficult to have any type of schedule. I've taken up watching a little bit of The Biggest Loser and American Gladiators [I have to be honest: The original was much better.]; however, for the first time last night I decided to tune in to The Moment of Truth. By the end of the show, I was just shaking my head in disbelief.

This show had a girl named Lauren Cleri who seemed sweet enough: She's a hairstylist who loves animals and just got married two years ago to her husband, Frank (ironically enough, her ex-boyfriend's name is also Frank). I knew something bad had to be coming when Lauren said, "The money is no object to me. I just want to get these things off my chest." Guilty conscience? I think Frank is in for a big shot to the heart.
This video shows the last three questions of the episode. Earlier, she'd already been tested with her faithfulness by being asked if she'd ever removed her wedding ring to appear as if she were single, and she truthfully answered that she had. That alone was a sign to me that she has no regard for or sensitivity towards her husband and marriage.

My question is this: Why get married if you don't really want to be married? It's a waste of time, money, and broken hearts. If you can't be monogamous, then you shouldn't walk down the aisle. Unfortunately, this is happening so often these days; especially with people my age. I thought marriage meant being with your partner (and only your partner) until death do you part, but I suppose maybe my husband and I are just old fashioned that way. We follow the rules of marriage the way it should be (unless you're a swinger, but don't even get me started on that), and we don't do it because we feel like we have to because now we're "stuck with each other," but we want to because we love each other.

If she still had feelings for an ex-boyfriend on her wedding day, then I'm pretty sure she saw it coming long before she put on that wedding dress and the ring was slipped on her finger. Not only that, she felt like she should be married to that guy instead. This girl is definitely not marriage material if she can't get herself focused on one person and let go of the past.

Am I one of the few people that gets absolutely frustrated when I see a marriage being jeopardized because someone is being stupid and can't keep it in their pants/keep their legs closed? I think Webster needs to update its definition of marriage to fit today's society: "Noun; the social institution under which a man and a woman temporarily commit to one another without any basis of loyalty, faithfulness, trust, or respect."

Husbands Are Good For...

...making you feel better when you're insanely stressed out. Well, mine is, at least. It's been a really stressful week with the whole job situation. As I said in my last blog, I told my supervisor I didn't think it was going to work out for me there. I was beginning to get stir crazy and claustrophobic. I was hoping Friday would be my last day, but unfortunately, they hadn't quite found my replacement yet, and the temp agency is still actively looking for another job for me. Hopefully, I can be out of there by Friday. I don't think I can manage another week in "the cell."
Meanwhile, I've been doing a slight bit of searching on my own. I'm hoping one of these things will bite so I can get out of here. The dungeon-like environment there is driving me crazy. Maybe some people can stand it, but I'm not one of them.

Despite all this it makes me feel good to know I can come home from all that to someone like my husband. He's been more than supportive through this whole thing. Where everyone else would probably think I were beyond strange about this job, he doesn't see me that way. He's been there to give me hugs and kisses, cuddle with me, and listen to me vent and cry things out. He had it pretty rough last week too, but he still took care of me to make sure I felt better (I owe you, sweetie).

We're starting to hit one of the points stated in the marriage vows: "For richer or poorer"/"for better or worse." They've really been going hand-in-hand for us lately. We may not make an incredible amount of money, but we make sure we're each taken care of, and if everything else around us just fell apart, we'd be okay with that on some level. I think going through this situation with the future of my job and money issues has made us realize (truly) that we'd do anything for each other, and that's all that really matters to us. Yeah, having little money and being in a job that makes me less than happy sucks, but knowing I can come home to him every night makes each day a little easier to get through.
Now, I can picture him accusing me of trying to top him on his blog from the other day, but it's not about that. Maybe going through tough times makes everything that I feel about him clearer and more real. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about how lucky I am to have him as a husband, but sometimes it feels like I don't give him enough credit for all he does for me. He watches out for me and makes sure I'm happy, and that's his priority. I try to do the same for him, as well.

That's what marriage is all about. It's becoming so true to me.

Monogamy: That's So 1950s

Maybe it's just the times we're living in, but I thought there was one point in time where marriage was regarded as something important and was taken seriously. These days I'm not so sure. Where the mold was the happy, monogamous, married couple some amount of years ago, a new mold has taken its place: The couple with various partners and children by different fathers. What's sad is that this is socially acceptable today; so much so that I have to constantly fight off people who expect my marriage to fail just because it either didn't work for them, I'm "too young", or whatever other reasons they want to throw out there. Frankly, I'm sick of it.

Yes, I understand the divorce rate for someone my age (and in general) is not working in my favor, but I don't like to think of our relationship as a statistic. If I did that, I'd think my marriage to failure. I know I made the right decision, and when I stood up there and said my vows over a year ago, I took every one of them seriously, and so did he. We're two people who don't believe divorce will solve problems. Now, I can understand desperate situations for people whose only route is divorce, and it's only as a means to get away from an abusive husband/wife or an extremely destructive husband/wife. I'm not attacking people who have gotten divorced. I'm just saying that's not for me.

If I'm not going to stand here and lecture you about getting a divorce and how wrong it is, can you do me the same respect and not lecture me about how horrible it was for me to get married to begin with? I've watched so many situations with these same people who think they can guarantee my marriage will fail. I've watched them as they do things to perpetuate the problem. I scratch my head in disbelief. Why do you prove over and over again that we have different takes on relationships and monogamy in general but act like we're on the same level?

I watch as these people cheat on their boyfriends/girlfriends, fianceés, or husbands/wives. How can you do that and even begin to dictate how my marriage will fail? Apparently, you don't know me at all. I don't need to cheat on my husband to be happy. I married him because this is the person I want to stick by for the rest of my life. It wasn't so I would have someone to come home to after having escapades with other men behind his back. What kind of sick world do we live in where people can't be faithful to each other?

Another thing that bothers me are people that just jump into marriage at the drop of a hat. Granted, Jon and I had only dated 9 months before we got engaged, but it wasn't too rushed because we spent nearly everyday together. Some people get engaged sooner than that, but I have to question the people that get engaged to someone within a couple weeks or less of dating them and knowing them. How could you possibly know this is a person you want to spend forever with? I didn't have all the information I needed to make that kind of decision about Jon within a week or two of knowing him. I'd just barely known his last name and favorite color by that point. I guess I have no place to judge, but I just don't understand.

My wish would be for everyone to take marriage and relationships as seriously as I do or as seriously as they're intended to be taken. We've gotten so off-course over the years, and it's just getting worse and worse by the minute. I can't stand to watch people I know making the problem in society worse. Where I used to just see celebrities or people from afar committing these acts, I'm now in close contingency with these people, and it saddens me.
I don't need marital advice from individuals who aren't on the right track with their own relationships. Spare me.