Stupidity Leaks

Working with the public makes you realize just how many idiots there are out there. It's amazing how many people won't use their heads for more than hat racks, but I suppose that's just what you have to deal with in this line of work. I was inspired by a certain customer last night to write this blog. This is an ode to you, Mr. Stupidity Leak #1:

• SL #1: The Bathrooms

Before asking an associate how to open the bathroom door at Burlington, make sure you've actually tried it. No, I mean, if you can't figure it out while you're there, you need only to read the sign that says either "Push" or "Pull" on your respective room. If you have to ask me after you've done this, go back to elementary school and learn to read, and ask for a bonus lesson in common sense.

Example: Last night I was on the phone with one of my associates trying to give him information for a piece of clothing someone was buying that didn't have a tag, and a rather large, dopey-looking gentleman interrupted me.
"Excuse me," he said.
You guys know how much I loathe being interrupted on the phone when I'm doing my job. I told my coworker to hang on a minute while I helped this guy. "What do you need help with?"
"I can't open the bathroom door," he said.
"Did you try pushing it?"
He just stared at me with a blank look and said nothing.
Ok, I guess I need to say something here. "Just push the door open."
He still stood there, staring at me, and he didn't budge.
Hello, in there? Anybody home? "Just go over and push the door."
Nothing.
Am I making absolutely no sense here? "Just push the door open." How many times do I need to repeat myself before you get it?
Finally, he said something: "It doesn't open."
"The door doesn't lock," I replied. "Don't touch the handle. Just push the door."
And yes, he's still standing there, staring at me.
I attempted to get back on the phone with my coworker, but the guy was still standing there. I finished my piece about a hundred times already. You can go now. "Just go push the door."
He finally left, and I didn't see him come back, so I'm assuming that my idea worked. Go figure. I suppose I do know what I'm talking about sometimes.

• SL #2: Amateur Theft

If you're going to steal something, it's a good idea that you don't inform an associate before doing so. Hey, if you do, that's great for us because you're just making it easier to get caught, but I'm guessing you want to be successful at the five-finger discount, so being busted isn't part of your game plan; I would assume, that is...

Example:We have a new girl in the shoe department, and yesterday was her second day. A woman walked up to her, and they had the following conversation¹:
"You got any floor walkers tonight," the customer asked. In other words, she's asking if we have any security.
"I don't know," my coworker replied.
"Well, can you find out for me? If you hook me up, I'll hook you up."
Needless to say, she told another associate or manager about this, so they were all over her like flies on crap.

• SL #3: Watch Your Kids

We don't run a free daycare at Burlington. If you're opting to shop with your kids, you need to watch them. We certainly don't get paid enough to do our jobs and babysit your children. Not to mention, we have quite a few dangerous spots in and around our department. A hot spot for kids to play at is the escalator. I'm certainly not cleaning up your kids' blood if they fall and crack their heads open. Pay attention.

Example: I watched as a kid ran up and down our escalators (of course, running up the down), and I yelled at him numerous times. He was probably about twelve, so he was certainly old enough to know better. His mother was nearby while I was yelling, and she'd occasionally look over when I hollered, but she'd never say a word and continued shopping. Typical.
Finally, he did his last pass up the down escalator, and I yelled at him. As soon as he made it to the top step, he tripped and fell. He landed face first at the top of the escalator. He was ok, of course, but it just goes to show that you should listen. I shouldn't have to yell at your kids anyway. That's not my job.

Just bear these things in mind when you go shopping. I'm sick of picking up the missing pieces of your brain.

¹Mind you, this was all hearsay, so I don't know the exact conversation they had, but it's something similar to this.