Saturday, March 31, 2007

Better Late Than Never...

So I've finally finished it.  It took me longer than I had anticipated to do the video, but it's done, nonetheless.  I've announced the winner, and it's all below.  Enjoy.

Edit: The video wasn't working through Mozilla Firefox this morning, but it works in IE.  Try it in that browser if it's giving you problems.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Geese Shop At the Millcreek Mall

I saw the most interesting thing when I was driving to work this morning.  I wish I'd had my camera with me because it would have been the best picture I've taken in a long time, and it would have made this blog even more fun.

I was running a little late for work, so I was sort of speeding to the mall.  As I was coming by Macy's to come around to Burlington, I looked slightly to the right and saw something interesting.  There stood two geese just hanging out in the parking lot.  I'm surprised they didn't have cigarettes hanging out of their mouths while discussing politics.  Perhaps they were, and I just didn't catch it.  I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

I hate to break it to you, but you're out of your element.  On top of that, the mall isn't even open.

I suppose it's possible for them to end up there by accident as there's a creek nearby, but it was interesting to see, nonetheless.  Maybe they'll be there tomorrow morning.  I'm taking my camera in case they show up.

Reminder:  Only 23 hours left to leave a topic on my blog.  Tomorrow will be a vlog to announce the winner.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

One For My Baby...And One More For the Road

I really feel it's time for my husband to get a blog dedicated to him.  Yes, I wrote one on Valentine's Day, but that was more or less making points of why I love him.  I've been feeling especially guilty lately because he's been doing a lot for me, and I've been acting like a pissy kid.  I would have written this sooner in the day, but he stole the router away for the afternoon.

Since I've been going through my eating problems, he's been stepping things up to the next level.  He always helped a lot around the house, but now he finds himself doing most to all of the work lately.  When I'm home from work, I feel pretty crappy, and I don't feel like doing much but hiding from the world.  I usually resort to spending time on the computer and being in my own little space.  This means I've been beyond lazy.  Housework has been the last thing on my mind.  He's been taking care of all of it.  Laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc.:  He's doing it all.

Lately, I've been seeing someone about my eating disorder, and he's come with me to every appointment; even if that means he has to change his schedule around at work.  I feel bad that he bends over backwards to be there for me, but I appreciate the support more than he'll ever know.

I regret being in such a touchy mood lately.  I've been extremely stressed out, and it's becoming outward, and he's getting the brunt of it where he should be the last to get it.  Even still, he's there, and he doesn't get upset but just wants to offer help any way he can.  He gives me more hugs and kisses than I know what to do with.  The fact that he says he couldn't imagine his life without me in it makes me feel so much better on the worst of days.  I couldn't imagine mine without him.

I couldn't ask for a better husband, and I couldn't dream of one.  He's really my rock and my pillar of support.  I couldn't have even half the strength to get through this if it weren't for him.  If you see him, give him a pat on the back or a handshake.  He deserves it.

ReminderKeep submitting ideas for my vlog.  Katie just made it even more interesting...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


I'm thoroughly impressed by what Erie had to offer yesterday.  It was such a beautiful day that I didn't even want to set foot inside Burlington.  I've never been so close to calling off work as I was yesterday. 

At least I got to enjoy the first half of the day leading up to 1:00.  The sun was shining, the temperatures were at a comfortable low-70's, and our neighbors (yes, including the anal snow shoveler) were doing yard work in preparation for the summer months.  I opened up almost every window in our house to let that beautiful smell of spring/summer in and the stale, stuffy, winter air out.  It just put me in a better mood (even in spite of having to go to work).

It was the perfect driving day.  I wished that I worked further away, so I could enjoy more time with my sun roof up and windows rolled down while blasting Rob Zombie's Dragula; or perhaps something easier such as The Eagles would have been more appropriate or Eve6's Open Road Song.  As it was, I could only get through one song in my trip to work, so I had to make a good, fast pick.  I ended up with Breathe by The Prodigy as a last resort.  I didn't allow myself enough time to pick carefully, but oh, well.

Even people weren't stupid enough to shop at the mall on such a gorgeous day.  Of course, Monday's are usually fairly slow anyway, but there was very little activity yesterday, which gave me time to enjoy the small amount of sunshine through the skylight (hey, you take what you can get).  It made me envy the 9-5ers out there.

I hope today turns out to be just as beautiful since I work until 5.  I can at least enjoy the warmth and fresh air through the windows while Olga helps with my Russian.  Maybe that can work to my intellectual advantage...

What did you guys do to enjoy the weather yesterday?  I certainly hope your day was better spent than mine.

Reminder:  Continue to throw some ideas my way.  I'm eagerly awaiting your comments.  Watch for a vlog (video blog) on Friday evening to announce the winner.  Thanks to those who have already submitted ideas.

Monday, March 26, 2007

My Husband Would Probably Be Mad...

...if he saw this blog.  And he will because he's a very faithful reader of them all.  The way I am about MySpace is the way he is with his sandwiches.  I've never seen such careful precision of anything in my life until I met him.

I have the advantage of witnessing my husband make himself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches almost on a daily basis.  Everytime I've watched him do this over the past three years, I've been in awe.  Just look at the way he carefully evens out the peanut butter and jelly on the bread.  I'll have to take a video of it sometime because he doesn't spend a lot of time doing it.  It just ends up even on his first swipes.

Can you match that?  I can't.
Here are some more photos.

Reminder:  Make sure you keep submitting ideas to my blog.  So far,  I've only gotten ideas from Ron and Tam, so keep them coming.  You have until Friday at 5:00pm to submit, and then I'll make the drawing.  Why 5?  Well, work interferes with any other earlier time.  Pfff.  Good luck.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

The Time Has Come

Ok, this isn't making up for the lack of an interesting blog in my head; instead, this is what I've been thinking about for a little while.  I was thinking about shaking things up a little bit with my thirty-day voyage, if you will.  If what I'm about to do doesn't make it more interesting for you, it will for me.

I've been watching a lot of video blogs--aka vlogs--lately from the likes of KevJumba, Supricky06, and SxEPhil (all worth checking out, by the way), and it made me think of something.  I consider myself to be slightly camera shy (in the way of videos), but if the mood is right, I can be a ham.  I thought I would use the camera for one of my blogs.  This is where you come in.

You've heard me professing that there will be a blog for you coming up.  At least, those of you who pay attention my bulletins would know.  What I'm offering is this, and it probably seems stupid or not that great of a thing, but I think it would be fun:

I want to make a video blog for my 100th post, which will occur on Friday, April 6th.  I want you guys to write in my comments some ideas for that blog.  I'll throw everyone's ideas in a hat on Friday, and whichever one I draw will, obviously, be the one I use (you'll be mentioned in the video, as well).  I'll try to make a five minute video about it.  Here are some ground rules for ideas though:

  • Nothing that involves the topic of solely discussing myself.  That's boring, and we all know that.  It's not just the fact that I'd be talking about myself, but I really don't have anything interesting to discuss.  My blogs are designated for long-windedness.  Seeing me would be double the torture.
  • Nudity.  Absolutely not.  I'm not that sleazy nor do I desire to be.  Oh, and while we're on that, I'm not going to dress in a mini-skirt and tube top and talk about sex either.
  • No mass killings of anything.  That includes animals, people...plants, I suppose.
  • No self-mutilation.  Ok, that's sick, and I shouldn't even have to mention this, but I need to cover my grounds.
  • Nothing illegal.  I don't need the Millcreek police and FBI running after me over a vlog.  It's just not worth it in the long run.  I'm not ready to become someone's bitch anyway.

    I think that's simple enough.  Try to think of some crazy topics.  Good luck, folks!
  • Saturday, March 24, 2007

    Sign of the Times

    Last night, Ron and Monica had us over for dinner, and we finally got to see their new daughter, Aubri.  What a beautiful baby, by the way.
    Anyway, while we were eating dinner, their other daughter, Kaitlyn, brought over two of her Ken dolls.  Let the ridicule ensue.

    I remember when Ken was a wholesome-looking doll that represented the kind of man you'd want to bring home to mom and dad.  That was the Ken I grew up with and the couple generations before me did.  Today, he's turned into a midlife crisis.  I don't think he knows who he is.  One day, he dresses to be bending over for some lispy, burly beach dude; the next day, he looks like he's ready to beat the living crap out of that lispy, burly beach dude despite the fact that the restraining order says he's not allowed within 500 yards of him.

    I know he and Barbie had some issues, and they eventually broke up, but what was the reason?  I'm thinking Ken is sexually confused...or the president of Mattel is.

    It's not just Ken and Barbie that have changed with the times, but they came out with these Bratz dolls a few years ago, which are just another name for "Hussies," in my book.  They dress like whores off the street, and girls love them.  Yet we wonder why we find 11-year-old girls with MySpaces that have pictures of themselves half-naked.  On top of that, they're having sex...with older men.  Honestly, I never even really knew what sex was until I was around that age.  I think I had the advantage of having a rather wholesome childhood, and it seems like kids today don't even have a chance.

    For example, a few years back, I was walking by Wesleyville Elementary School, and I saw kindergarteners coming out of class for the afternoon.  I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of their mouths:  'F' this, 'f' that, motherf'er, b***h.  I thought my ears were going to bleed.  But I digress...

    Anyone else thinking we're going to have a major problem on our hands once these kids grow up to be adults?  I don't know about you, but I'm getting a little terrified to grow old and rely on them to take care of me.

    Friday, March 23, 2007

    Common Sense Beckons. Will You Answer the Call?

    Recently, I watched a video of a woman in Madrid who took her shopping cart down an escalator, lost control of it, and went tumbling down after the cart.  It was coincidental because last night I almost witnessed something similar.

    A group of girls were taking their strollers (with infant car carriers inside, mind you) up the escalator.  I didn't see them until they were at the top as one girl yelled to the other, "Hurry, hurry!  Catch it!"  She lost control of the stroller and almost dropped it down the escalator with her baby inside.  Idiots...

    About an hour later, the girls approach me as I'm putting stock out.
    "I'm gone press charges on y'all," one said.
    Excuse me?  "Why," I asked.
    "Because y'all's elevator is down and I had to take ma baby up da escalator.  If sometin happen to ma baby, I'm-a press charges on Burlin'ton."
    I decided to play the dick.  "Yeah, you're not allowed to take strollers or carts up the escalator for safety purposes.  Just ask an associate and they can take you up our freight elevator." 

    I hate repeating myself on this issue to people over and over again.  Our man elevator is not operating at the moment.  It got fixed, but we're waiting for it to be inspected before anyone can use it.  We have a sign posted up on each elevator door (one downstairs; one upstairs) that does say to use the escalator; however, it states that if you have a stroller or cart, "ask an associate for assistance.  Do not take them up the escalator."  I think that's very clear; don't you?

    She continued.  "No, y'all, I'm-a press charges.  I ain't takin' ma baby down der."
    Apparently, she has no clue what the difference between an elevator and an escalator is.

    After spending a minute trying to get her to understand the difference, one of her friends chimes in to my rescue (finally!).  "No, girl, she talkin' 'bout the elevator.  Not da escalator.  You's trippin'."
    "Oh, oh.  Sorry 'bout dat," she replied.
    And what the hell have I been saying this whole time?
    "Are you guys ready to go down now," I asked.
    "Ok, just follow me this way."

    I begin to lead them towards the backroom, and one girl strays to the escalator with her stroller.  *sigh*
    "I'm gonna take you down our freight elevator," I yelled to her. Did you forget already?
    "Can't y'all stop the escalator, so I can take ma stroller down?"
    What?  You can't be serious.
    Now, to me, I would think it would be harder--not easier--to take a stroller down with the escalator turned off than if it's turned on.  As you know, an escalator turns into stairs when it's turned off (How about that, eh?).  Do you think it turns into a long, declining ramp or something?

    I internally shake my head in disbelief as I reply, "No, I can't."
    I finally lead them to our freight elevator in the backroom.  I open the doors and the same girl who wouldn't keep her mouth shut the entire time, opened it once again.
    "No, y'all, dis looks mo' dangerous dan da escalator.  I'm-a press charges if this thing break when I be on it.  I'm-a get so much money for dat."
    Geez, would you lay off the pressing charges thing?  Is that all you think about?  I'll be on the elevator with you anyway.  So if on the super rare chance something happens, I'm screwed too.  So chill out.

    I finally got them downstairs and out of my hair.
    Lesson to all:  Use your head for more than a hat rack, please.

    Thursday, March 22, 2007

    Harry Potter: The Ladies Man

    Bear with me as I try to explain how I came across the video I'm about to show you.  It all started when I read Ron's latest blog.  In it he included a skit from SNL featuring Tim Meadows as John-John Mackey: a let's-get-down-to-business kind of weatherman.  I hadn't seen that in quite a while, so it brought back memories.  I thought I might search for some videos of The Ladies Man on YouTube while I had Tim Meadows on my mind.

    I only did a brief search, but I found one video featuring Cameron Diaz.  It was from there that I stumbled across the "Harry Potter" (aka Daniel Radcliffe) videos.

    Apparently, he was on one episode of a show called Extras on the BBC.  Now, we all know--or most of us should be aware--of his participance in the onstage production of Equus¹.  He's been getting a lot of flack for his onstage nudity because we all know him as Harry Potter and God-forbid he do any adult roles.

    Anyway, I found the video from his stint on Extras, and I thought I'd share it with you guys.  Now, you might find it more humorous if you've watched the Harry Potter movies just because you get acquainted with him as that character.  Let's just say, this is a little off-color and satirical but humorous, nonetheless.

    Everytime I see the money shot, I'll think of him now.

    ¹In case you're not "in-the-know" about the plot of this play, I'll fill you in.  It's about a seventeen-year-old boy who has a passion for horses.  He blinds six horses using a metal spike from a horse shoe.  Long story short, a psychiatrist studies the boy to figure out why he did it and what inner demons he's struggling with; meanwhile, he begins struggling with his own.

    Wednesday, March 21, 2007

    It's Time

    About a month and a half ago, I joined the message boards.  Since I'm really getting into Russian language, I thought this would be perfect to couple with my studies.  I could ask people questions whenever I'm having trouble with anything, and Olya¹ will be sure to help me out.

    Anyway, I was searching through their numerous forums, and one of them is called Learn Russian Through Video
    That's perfect.  It has to have cartoons and movies of all sorts in there,  I thought.   (Well, no crap, you're thinking; shut it)
    My eyes were drawn to one particular thread, and I'm not even sure why.  It contained a bunch of lyrics to a song in English, and at the top it had a link to a video on YouTube.  I never prepared myself for what was about to come.

    Now it's time for me to share with all of you my first experience with Bumac (Vitas):

    The poor guy is now the brunt of all jokes in my house.  My husband and I make fun of him by singing the chorus to Opera #2.  I'm sorry, but being a male countertenor is so far beyond what I can fathom that it automatically causes me to chuckle.  At the same time, I'm in awe at his incredible vocal talent.

    No longer will you have the chance to hear the name Vitas and ask, "Who?"  You can just attempt to sing the chorus which is about 20 octaves too high for a normal man in response.  Have fun with that.  I know I do...

    ¹She's like the "head-honcho" of Russian, grammatical corrections on those boards.

    Tuesday, March 20, 2007

    They're So Cute When They're Little, But...

    I was at a baby shower the other night that Olga threw for her son and his girlfriend, and we were all discussing how cute kids are when they're young.  My department manager, Chris, said, "They're so cute when they're little, but then they grow up and turn into brats."  I could beg to differ for a lot of cases.  It's all in the kind of parenting, but I'm sure she knows that.

    At any rate, it made me think back to when my sister and I were kids.  I've heard numerous stories of how we were as babies.  Of course, I couldn't recount these from personal memory, but our parents have certainly drilled them into our heads enough that we could tell them as if we remember them.

    For example, I was born 27 minutes before my sister because she was born breech, so when I came out--so I'm told--I didn't cry or scream.  I just looked around the room.  My sister, however, came out "screaming bloody murder."  And so go our personalities for the next almost-23 years.

    When we were supposed to be sleeping in our cribs, I used to make little noises (I can better represent them in person, so just ask if you're really that curious) to wake my sister up, and when she finally did, she'd start screaming and crying.  After I'd succeeded in waking her, I'd stop making my noises and lie there silently.  I was always the antagonizer, and I still am...

    When my sister would get upset as a child, she would hold her breath.  One time she even made herself pass out, which caused our babysitter to, of course, freak out.  She called my mom asking what she should do.  It was so commonplace at the time, she just told her to wait it out.  She'll come to.  She did.

    It wasn't uncommon for me to have a wedgie in my bathing suit as a kid.  I don't know what was wrong with me that I never picked it out.  Maybe I just enjoyed the tight feeling.  I have no clue.  My father liked to capitalize on this and make fun of me.  I still continue to get ridiculed for that.  Oh, that and my inclination to say, "I wasn't paying attention."  He claims he'll put it as my epitaph.  I'm not so sure I trust my husband not to do it since he's in on the joke, as well.

    My father started a system of punishment that caused us to make sure the other didn't get out of line.  It's a little thing called reverse psychology:  If you misbehave, your sister gets punished, and if she misbehaves, you get punished.  That really saved my parents from having to watch us at night when we were supposed to be asleep.  We made sure the other didn't wreak havoc.  If you think about it, it really was a good system.

    Today I think we turned out to be pretty good adults.  My sister has been pretty successful in her life.  Career-wise, I haven't been that successful, but I have myself to blame for that.  However, I have a husband who loves me and takes care of me, a job, a roof over my head, and I'm not all that bad of a person either.  So not all kids are cursed to be brats.

    Monday, March 19, 2007

    Beginning the Thirty-Day Trek...

    So I've decided to start the challenge to blog thirty times in thirty days.  I wasn't sure if I was mentally prepared to throw decent (or at least halfway-decent) content at you on a daily basis, but I figured it could be one of those things that I could just do and not think about.  Thinking just gives me more reasons not to go through with it.  So begin counting the blogs and counting down the days until April 17th (my last day of commitment).  Feel free to follow in the footsteps of Shane and anyone else willing to walk the long, vigorous pathway.

    Now, onto an actual blog, so I can't rob you of true content.  I know you were worried.  It's ok.

    As my husband and I were in Best Buy the other night buying a few video games (Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories, Tetris Worlds, and the obligatory purchase of Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit game), I thought back to one moment I had in that store a few months ago:

    I was purchasing Resident Evil 4 as an early Christmas present to myself using a gift card I had gotten.  I brought it up to the register, and the cashier asked for my ID.  In case you aren't aware, the Resident Evil games can only be sold to those 17 and older due to their 'M' (mature) rating.  I was somewhat flattered as I pulled out my driver's license.  He searched through it looking for the birthdate, and when he found it he quickly answered, "Oh.  Sorry about that."
    "That's ok," I replied with my common chuckle.
    "You're older than me," he said.
    That caused an inner snicker or two.

    I'm thinking about starting a group:  I Still Get Carded At Best Buy.  I'm the only person I know that still gets carded at some stores but can get senior discounts at some restaurants, as well. 
    You're asking, "What?" 
    I say, "Later blog..."

    Friday, March 16, 2007

    Thirty In Thirty

    Apparently, Los Angeles blogger, Shane Nickerson, started a "thirty in thirty" challenge:  blog thirty times in thirty days.  It really ups the challenge when trying to think of creative things to blog at least once a day.  I was thinking about taking up the challenge, but I wasn't sure how many of you would actually care to read any of them or think that I can even do it.  I'm going to wait for your feedback before I proceed.  So what do you think?

    Monday, March 12, 2007

    Let's Play Catch-Up

    A lot has happened the past week and a half.  I know I've been beyond lazy with posting about goings-on.  Most of you probably have heard the latest straight from the horse's mouth (that's my mouth, of course).  I think I'm going to break this down for all of you.  Prepare yourselves.

    Arnold Classic:
    March 2-4 we went to the Arnold Classic in Columbus, Ohio.  I was excited and looking forward to some time away with my husband (as I stated in my blog).  Friday was a pretty nice day.  It was fairly warm, and the sun was shining.  I thought that was a pretty good precursor.  We arrived in Columbus at 2:00pm that day, and we couldn't check into the hotel until 3:00, so we never made it to the convention center until around 5:15, and the expo ended at 6:00 that evening.  Jon and I bought tickets anyway and tried to scrounge up as many free samples as possible.  We barely got anything at all and left rather disappointed but anticipating Saturday.

    That night his sister took us to the Book Loft where I ended up seeing one person I knew, but as circumstances would have it, I didn't get to say one word to her.  I'm not even so sure she would remember me anyway even though we went to youth group together.  Who knows?  Regardless, I had fun there.  It was an interesting little establishment.  They handed out maps so you could find your way around this maze of sorts.  I'd never seen anything like it.
    We got back late that night, so we didn't crash until around 1:00am, and I had to be up at 6:30 to get to the expo by 9:00.

    Saturday was horrendously busy.  That's nearly all I have to say about that.  Most of the time, we were standing in line for things we had no clue we were standing in line for.  We found ourselves asking people in front of us where the line we were standing in led to.  It was just a waste of time.

    Speaking of standing in line, we were waiting in line at the Optimum Nutrition booth for free samples.  The line was moving pretty steadily which was a relief compared to the other lines.  I'll be damned if we get right up to the beginning of the line (only had a couple guys in front of us), and we're stopped dead in our tracks.  Why?  Well, we had no clue for a while.  Then we discovered it was because they thought we were in line to see John Cena.  Personally, I couldn't care less about this guy; I just want my free crap and to go on my merry way.  The confusion was caused by the speculation of two lines to see John; one of which--of course--was our line.  After waiting for almost an hour, Jon and I decided to ditch it.  If you can't figure out a way to get it resolved in under an hour, you're not worth our time.
    Not only were we upset we were in line for that long, but in the process we missed Arnold.  We could hear him from the booth, but that's all we got.  Teh Sux0rz.

    Nothing was on schedule in that whole place.  The only things we really caught were the sumo wrestling demonstrations and the boxing championships.  We wanted to see the sumo wrestling, but we caught it by accident because they started it an hour before it was "scheduled", and we happened to be over near the stage.  I'll just say that the demonstrations were interesting.  I'll let the pictures speak (Go to my Flickr set to view the photos).
    As far as the boxing went, it was good.  We were practically ringside.  We watched about 3 different matches before we decided to take off and enjoy the rest of the day away from the crowds.

    During our trip we got to stop at two different restaurants that I've been dying to eat at:  White Castle and Qdoba.  Needless to say, I was pleased.  It's the little things that bring me happiness.

    We didn't end up going back to the expo Sunday morning, although in retrospect, I wish we had.  We heard it wasn't as crowded, and they were giving out tons of free samples that day.  Well, at least we know for next year...

    My Sister Came Home:
    On Wednesday evening, my sister flew in from Kentucky to visit for a few days.  I decided I'd go to the airport with my mom to pick her up since I was working 9-5, and her plane was set to arrive at 6:10.  We got to the airport a little late, but we caught her at the baggage claiming area.  So much for claiming it, however...

    The conveyer belt went 'round and 'round, but her baggage was nowhere to be found.  Northwest never gave her a tracking sticker in Lexington, so they couldn't track the location of her bag.  She thought she'd never see it again.  Thankfully, she got it back the following afternoon.  They'd never flew it in from Detroit.

    I didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with her, but we did go out to dinner at Applebee's Saturday night, and I got to go shopping at the mall with her today.  It's amazing how time changes things.  Ten years ago, I would have hated clothes-shopping with her.  It was nothing against her at all.  I just hated shopping for clothes.  I was always more of an electronics kind of person.  Today, however, I had a lot of fun.  I even picked out a couple shirts for myself at Aeropostale.  It just amazes me.

    She's heading back to Kentucky tomorrow afteroon, so hopefully she'll be back up to Erie again soon.  I think our relationship has changed a little bit this past week.  I'm not sure how or why, but it has...for the better.

    Other Things...:
    I'm finally talking to someone about my previously mentioned problems tomorrow afternoon.  I finally grew some balls (not literally, of course...or I may have something to talk to my husband about) and made an appointment somewhere.  Olga offered to go with me for emotional support or what have you, so I'm getting out of work early to head over there with her.  Pray that it all goes okay because I'm beyond nervous just thinking about it.

    Now you're all caught up.  Do your eyes burn yet?

    Thursday, March 1, 2007

    Common Sense...Or Lack Thereof

    Why is it that people insist on shopping in areas where there's obvious reconstruction going on?  And on top of that, the parts that you've finished reconstructing, they destroy, and you need to go back and clean up the mess.

    I'm then told by said person, "You look like you've had a long day at work."
    Yeah, thanks to your contribution, it's been even longer, dickhead.

    Note to customers:  Purchase a brain before coming within 100 feet of me.