where marriage was regarded as something important and was taken seriously. These days I'm not so sure. Where the mold was the happy, monogamous, married couple some amount of years ago, a new mold has taken its place: The couple with various partners and children by different fathers. What's sad is that this is socially acceptable today; so much so that I have to constantly fight off people who expect my marriage to fail just because it either didn't work for them, I'm "too young", or whatever other reasons they want to throw out there. Frankly, I'm sick of it.Yes, I understand the divorce rate for someone my age (and in general) is not working in my favor, but I don't like to think of our relationship as a statistic. If I did that, I'd think my marriage to failure. I know I made the right decision, and when I stood up there and said my vows over a year ago, I took every one of them seriously, and so did he. We're two people who don't believe divorce will solve problems. Now, I can understand desperate situations for people whose only route is divorce, and it's only as a means to get away from an abusive husband/wife or an extremely destructive husband/wife. I'm not attacking people who have gotten divorced. I'm just saying that's not for me.
If I'm not going to stand here and lecture you about getting a divorce and how wrong it is, can you do me the same respect and not lecture me about how horrible it was for me to get married to begin with? I've watched so many situations with these same people who think they can guarantee my marriage will fail. I've watched them as they do things to perpetuate the problem. I scratch my head in disbelief. Why do you prove over and over again that we have different takes on relationships and monogamy in general but act like we're on the same level?
I watch as these people cheat on their boyfriends/girlfriends, fianceés, or husbands/wives. How can you do that and even begin to dictate how my marriage will fail? Apparently, you don't know me at all. I don't need to cheat on my husband to be happy. I married him because this is the person I want to stick by for the rest of my life. It wasn't so I would have someone to come home to after having escapades with other men behind his back. What kind of sick world do we live in where people can't be faithful to each other?
Another thing that bothers me are people that just jump into marriage at the drop of a hat. Granted, Jon and I had only dated 9 months before we got engaged, but it wasn't too rushed because we spent nearly everyday together. Some people get engaged sooner than that, but I have to question the people that get engaged to someone within a couple weeks or less of dating them and knowing them. How could you possibly know this is a person you want to spend forever with? I didn't have all the information I needed to make that kind of decision about Jon within a week or two of knowing him. I'd just barely known his last name and favorite color by that point. I guess I have no place to judge, but I just don't understand.
My wish would be for everyone to take marriage and relationships as seriously as I do or as seriously as they're intended to be taken. We've gotten so off-course over the years, and it's just getting worse and worse by the minute. I can't stand to watch people I know making the problem in society worse. Where I used to just see celebrities or people from afar committing these acts, I'm now in close contingency with these people, and it saddens me.
I don't need marital advice from individuals who aren't on the right track with their own relationships. Spare me.
5 comments:
My husband and I got married within a year of meeting, too. Met in January and decided by May we wanted to get married and tied the knot in November.
I think there's a lot to be said for marrying within a year. Lots of people might think that's too soon to know if you could live with the other person for the rest of your life. But, sometimes, if you wait too long, you'll decide there's no way you could live with the other person's quirky habits.
Love is a decision. You decide whether you will love this person through all the good, the bad and the ugly and be thankful that they have decided to take the same vow. My hubby and I are very happily married but we like to kid each other that it's a good thing we didn't date any longer, otherwise, the decision would have gotten harder. For better and for worse! Luckily the good has gotten much better and the worse hasn't gotten too much worse. And we still do really like each other.
Most people have lost integrity in themselves. People are becoming more open minded and feel that it means they need to express themselves more emotionally. Sometimes people get on the wrong track so easy.
Its ridiculous for people to think that your marriage wont work. I see alot of relationships that work great. It is usually the people that it isn't working for that will try to preach. People try to feel more accomplished and leach the satisfaction that if anything does go wrong, that they said so. Its typical.
I wish you the best and hope that yours lasts forever and you both live together forever very happily ^_^
BAH! Anyone who believes in the good old days of marriage are fooling themselves. There is nothing new under the sun and adultery was not invented in the summer of 1969. In the 50's husbands screwed their secretaries and housekeepers and wives screwed anyone that visited them in their prisons (or as we tend call them today "homes". 10-20% of daddies were not really the daddies.
We have not lost our way. We are just more able to catch cheating spouses. We have gps trackers and lojack, email spy programs, and since no one uses cash anymore every purchase is reported on our bank statements and credit receipts. You can't make a clandestine call with having to erase your phones memory and intercept the cellular bill.
2 in 3 of all marriages and half of first marriages fail. Divorces are such common place now that people can escape betrayals of trust. In the 50's if you got caught by a friend or coworker you secret was safe. Sure it would get around, but not back to spouse. If your spouse caught you, no sweat, what could they do? Cut you off from sex, so what... you are getting it else where. Beat you? An easy trade off if you are a man. They sure as hell couldn't divorce you without being excommunicated and/or becoming a social pariah. In other words the cuckolded spouse was trapped. At least booze and valium was around to help you.
What time in the history of marriage should we return to? To the time when husbands bought their wives, or to when women were worthless and a father had to pay someone to take them. How about to when a woman could only be a teacher, stenographer, nurse, whore, or housewife. You know, the first half of the 20th century.
I say ,without fear of contradiction, throughout all of history this is the best time to be married. Your spouse is not trapped in marriage. If feelings change then there is an acceptable out. THIS IS A GOOD THING. why? Because you have proof that your spouse still wants to be married to you because they are still with you. In the future when pre-nups are demanded (a day I hope comes soon)the only things keeping a marriage together will be love and the desire to spend your time with the one that you love. If that is not the goal of marriage then it is an institution that should not be saved.
sorry for the rant
this was a pretty long and wordy way of telling me you're not going to sleep with me. next time just come right out and say it. i can take it.
I am old fashioned when it comes to commitments, especially marriage. I think you have a very wise outlook on the subject. I wish the best for you and your husband and hope it lasts forever:) BTW, I believe I have become a big fan of your blog, it seems I feel compelled to read it everyday! :):)
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