cheating, which was brought to the table courtesy of a certain episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine that we watched last night. The episode found Kira living with O'Brien and his wife while Kira carries the couple's child. They end up discovering they have feelings for each other and even consider acting on those. They never do, but it brought up a good discussion anyway. Is that considered cheating if he has feelings for another woman but never acts on them?I still consider it cheating if they have those thoughts and feelings to the point of being within inches of acting upon it. I think it's possibly inevitable for some people to feel that way at some point during their relationship/marriage. While I think acting on it is far worse than just having the feelings, I still think the extent of the feelings dictates whether or not it's cheating. ¹My husband feels the opposite though expresses he'd never get to that point himself and doesn't feel it's right to feel for another person even though he doesn't consider it cheating.
Ironically enough, there was an article on AOL this evening asking if it's considered cheating if a spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend has an online "marriage". They used one person as an example: He's a married man whose marriage is on the rocks because he spends at least 14 hours a day with his online "wife" through the game, Second Life. She's currently attending "gaming widow" support groups as a result [Isn't the fact that we have such a group in existence a sad thought?]. So is this cheating, as well?
You guys can probably guess what my answer is to this. My husband is on-board with me on this particular issue. I personally wouldn't have allowed it to get to the point where he would do something like that. Even if they claim that it's safe because it's only online, I don't see it that way. Being online doesn't automatically put you in a fantasy world. You're still spending your real-life time and emotions on another person who is not your husband/wife/etc., and believe it or not, the person on the other end is a real, living, breathing human being, as well. Who's to say that you won't end up meeting in person? Rarely do online relationships stay just that; especially if they span over a long period of time. And you can't tell me that if you met this "husband" or "wife" in person that you would "only be friends." You'd better just shoot yourself in the foot now.
Instead of spending all this time on the computer with someone hundreds to thousands of miles away, spend it with that person who is ten feet away. I'm assuming you either started dating them or married them for a reason, and if you're at least a halfway decent person, then it was for a good reason. Why not go out with them? Go to a movie or dinner or something. Anything. The thrill of an online relationship is no different than the thrill of someone going to a bar and hooking up with another person. It's the same idea. It's all sexually and emotionally based. It's cheating, and if you don't think it is, see how much it hurts the person you do it to.
¹I realize my husband probably thinks I'm making him look bad here, but I don't mean to. He's a faithful, respectable guy, which is why I married him.
5 comments:
I actually had a like-minded conversation with my mother-in-law about this a few months ago.
I lost my first wife in a car accident while she was 8 1/2 months pregnant with my daughter. I loved Brooke very much and still do to this day. I still have her photo on my desk.
I've since remarried, and am in heads-over-heels love with Michelle. Does the fact that I openly state that I still love my first wife constitute cheating?
I don't think so, but my mom-in-law took umbrage with that fact.
Michelle does not feel threatened or weirded out by this. In fact, she encourages keeping Brooke's memory alive, if only for the kid's sake.
I think it all comes down to how secure you are in your relationships.
I definitely think the circumstances of that are a little different because you became a widower and so quickly. She's always going to be in your heart (so to speak), and it'd sort of be foolish to expect the feeling to go away. At the same time, you have to move on with your life instead of being lonely all the time. I think it's human nature to want some type of companionship with another person, and why shouldn't you?
It's great that your new wife understands the dynamics behind that and supports you. I think it'd be easy to get jealous of that; even though they're deceased.
Here's an old time Italian saying my late G.Pa told me. "It's only cheating if the two parties involved kiss." Makes sense to me.
i would have to agree with you rachel. its cheating. i do casual flirting with other people but with the understanding that its just friendly banter. anything more is cheating. course some people would consider that cheating too lol
It's cheating...but cheating of the heart...not physically...
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