I'm one of those people that wishes they could fix things; even though they're not mine to fix. Most of the time I don't try to actually take it into my own hands, but I sit and worry about it for hours/days/weeks/months. I turn it into my problem, and it just sits inside me and boils up, and I end up feeling exactly the way I do now. It may have taken me the whole evening last night to figure out why I was feeling sad, but at least I got there (thanks to my husband).
I tend to get this empty feeling inside when I feel like something has changed--even temporarily (though unbeknownst to me at the time)--for the worse in my life or between me and another person(s). It's hard to shake it until I feel like things are right again, and sometimes I can't ever fix it myself, and I have to rely on that other person to do so. I get this same feeling when I watch someone else I care about having problems or they've somehow dramatically changed. I wish I could figure it out, and it bugs me until I either do figure it out or it just fades away.
I'm not sure I can talk to the people I want to about this because I feel like it will cause problems. My husband suggested I just wait and see what happens. That's the hardest thing for me to do, but I'm afraid that if I even talk to these people about it, it will just cause riffs. I just hate feeling like I can't do anything to help.
I'm the kind of person that likes to figure out other people like a puzzle. Maybe it sounds a little cliché or maybe it makes me seem shallow, but that's always how I've been. Every person has layers to them and the amount they reveal is dependent on the person they're with and/or the situation they're in. I don't want to see every layer of every person I meet or am friends with (that's just impossible), but I wish I could see everyone's true intentions behind decisions they make or their actions. Maybe the problems they have would make more sense to me. Maybe it'd just make it more difficult to understand. I'm not sure.
Either way, I hope this gets fixed soon because I know something is wrong.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Sounds like a rather difficult situation. Sometimes the hardest thing is knowing what is best to do. I hope that everything goes well and appropriately.
-Michael
Rachel,
Don't worry so much! Everything works itself out. The three of us haven't been hanging out due to the wedding and such and maybe that might have something to do with it too. You haven't been getting out much, chick! Well, we seem to be back in the swing of things so hopefully it will help cheer you up.
I'm glad you have Jon too. He'd make you laugh at a funeral. And not in a tacky way.
Post a Comment